"Calvin Klein"

I am operating under my own name. Milkooks prefer to hide behind names like "Calvin Klein".

(Important to note that "C.K." is almost the same as "C.J.")

Dr Tran’ Vestight Reports on the Demons Facing Michael Yawn and His Plan to Save The Galaxy

Mikey, Mikey, I am very concerned about you. Your recent bouts with Alphabits seems to have driven you deeper into the dark abyss of your mind. General Mills has now had to resign. You have single-handed removed Generals from a lot of countries. Now you are starting on the Generals of those evil corporations. Is the General of Alphabit soups next on your list of the sinister and evil to target and remove?

Oh crap, there’s a C & a J!!! 

Mikey, you are a hero to many in your battle to make the world a perfect place. Might I suggest that since you can no longer embed with US or Coalition forces that you widen your coverage to include a Galaxy. Since a galaxy is a massive, gravitationally bound system that consists of stars and stellar remnants, an interstellar medium of gas and dust, and an important but poorly understood component tentatively dubbed dark matter I don’t think your propeller cap that you used in your Red Air battle will have enough power to allow you to perform the needed feats to save us all.

I presently have some cosmonaut friends working on a space suit for you.

The Americans would not help me but the Russians will fund your next quest for the good of mankind. Your spaceship is being tested!

Your spacesuit will come complete with those footy thingies like your pj’s have so you will be comfortable at all times. It will also have plenty of pockets for twinkie storage and a elastic waistband just like your jeans! Twinkies will be used to keep you gravitationally bound to the galaxy and earth so that you can come back for the parade after all has been saved.

Mikey Mikey, I plan to have all of the Disney characters riding on your parade float. You must remember while in the parade to keep your hands off of Mickey and Goofy. I know they are furry and you like furry to bury your face in. That is why I cannot understand your present home of Thailand. As I stated before we oriental’s are not furry people. Remember, it is against the law for you to bury your face in animal fur in public so you must leave Micky and Goofy alone. With you, I know for certain Minnie will be safe.

Mikey, before you save the Galaxy you must have rest. I know you have trouble sleeping without your feet under the covers. You should know your footy pj’s will protect your feet from that horrible CJ. You don’t need the covers silly Mikey, you have your footies. I know you are afraid that horrible CJ will sneak into your hut at night and lick your toes or bite them off!!! I assure you this will not happen. CJ does not want to trade saliva with young Thai males. Your feet are safe, especially as long as you wear your footy pj’s and have your young Thai friends sucking on your toes.

You are now attacking the Army you served in, even though General Mills is out of your life. You are now saying you would join the Marines or Seals instead of the Army. I’m surprised you wanted to be a Seal since the Navy did not take your advice to issue “floaties” to the teams like you use to swim with.

The floaties would have made the Seal’s job so much safer.

I don’t think the Marines or the Seals would have let you become famous after that drunk tripped in that bar and killed himself. I think they would have put you in what they call a “brig” with lots of other furry sweaty men. While that would have been fun you would not have been able to get all of those Generals fired, used your propeller hat to save the wounded on medevacs, told the Seals where Bin Laden was and led the mission to kill him (oops, that’s top secret isn’t it) and become a cosmonaut. Most importantly you would not have been issued footy pj’s in the “brig”. That horrible CJ could have planned a crime just so that he could go to the brig to get to your toes, at night. Ohhhhhhhhhh, that is so scary. That CJ is just devious enough to do that to get to you Mikey. 

Mikey, I know you thought you were signing a settlement agreement with that Soldiers' Angels group to get your money back. With that money back you and your Taliban friends could go to the amusement park while you negotiated. But I tricked you Mikey. I had you sign a “release of information” form so that I could publish our sessions and the rest of the world could know how special you are.

But have no fear Mikey, when you are in space you will be a real Angel among Angels. You will be the only Angel Mikey to have fought a Tiger in the Sundarbans , buried you face in the fur and fought him and fought him and fought him!. You are so brave Mikey and “Thank God” for your many years of training to bury your face in the fur. Mikey Mikey, I am only making our talks and your file public for one purpose. I will no longer allow you, with the aid of your followers to win wars, control Congress, make Generals live in fear, negotiate with the Taliban, fight Tigers in the Sundarbans and now, to save a Galaxy without the proper credit due to you. In the abyss Mikey, in the abyss you are such a hero!

I can’t wait for the parade!