Blame Canada

Everyone knows by now that Brigadier General Menard is going to get a court martial. Menard is the Canadian guy who shot down a US helicopter while "accidentally" discharging his rifle because he was distracted by a hockey game. Was it really an accident?

Now the Canadians claim that Menard shot his gun at the airfield, and didn't shoot down the helicopter. How many PAO monkeys randomly pecked away at typewriters before that piece of fiction was written? Good thing I was there, on the front lines of the base at Kandahar Airfield, to tell the real story.

This Menard is the same guy who blew up that strategic bridge in Kandahar while watching another hockey game. Why was hockey more important than that bridge? I could maybe understand if it was the Superbowl, but hockey? That's like gay lacrosse on ice. Good thing he didn't blow up the hockey game itself. But with Montreal still in the playoffs, who knows what this guy is capable of.

He leads American soldiers. A Canadian. Why are Canadians commanding U.S. troops anywhere? Ever? Many of our soldiers don't even speak Canadian. The deadliest weapons Canadians grow up handling are snow shovels. They drive uparmored zambonis. In Manitoba, it's legal to marry a moose. And don't even get me started on the war crime that is Labatt Ice. Between the cultural and language barriers, this is dangerous. They should just go back to Canada and blow up bridges and helicopters and hockey games there.

Incredible that the U.S. media is ignoring Menard's antics here in Afghanistan.

But some people are standing up and taking notice.

Just got a email:

Dear Michael,

A group of us patriots are concerned that this Menard guy is in command of our troops when he shoots down our helicopters and blows up our bridges. We are organizing to get this Menard person out of the picture.

We are going to run a campaign much like Moveon.org did with General Petraeus. We hope to place an add in The New York Times, with the headline of: General Menard or General Retard? Do you want this Filthy Canuck leading American soldiers?

We hope to raise $500,000 to run this add. We suggest that readers hit your tip jar, and then you can reimburse us. We know you're good for it.

Keep fighting the good fight and keep that brass off your ass,

Richard Strokely

Right on, I hope this takes off. Menard reports to McChrystal, who hates Whoppers but loves to tell whoppers. The war is over both of their heads.